Hi Marta, tell me about yourself...
This is one of those questions that, when asked of someone who studied philosophy, always causes a bit of panic: "Should I answer existentially? Or just say what I do for a living?" So I'll do a healthy mix.
My name is Marta, I'm from Verona but currently live in Milan. I lived in Hong Kong for a few years, and this detail is perhaps what connects my existential plane with my professional one. I went to Hong Kong for work, and there I found an opportunity for a re-established balance and, with it, a happy life inside and out.
I work in fashion communication, but I've always been involved in a thousand other projects that share a common thread: the search for beautiful things/people (in any form), perhaps a bit hidden, that deserve to be brought into the light.
Linked to this is a natural attraction to discovery – often expressed through travel, from the most mundane to the most bizarre and absurd, with the aim of increasing my famous "flags" (who knows me knows) planted around the world – as of today, we're at 81 and counting :)
What does femininity mean to you?
Comfortable in your own skin. Perhaps it's a cliché, but I find that, as with friendship, I'm drawn to people who can live peacefully with who they are. This way of being can then take different external forms, but they all share a light, an energy that points to a very powerful "inner-outer" match.
Femininity is that wave, that trail, that a woman emanates, in her choice – not necessarily conscious – to communicate who she is – and she can do it in truly every way. Personally, I love an "effortless"/"understated" type of femininity (to drop some English terms), at times seemingly naive (I'm thinking of a Marine Vatch, a Laetitia Casta, or a younger Margaret Qualley), but I don't disdain feathers and glitter on the right occasion or on the right person.
The balance of expressing oneself with serenity is what then shines through in the choice of that outfit, that haircut, those shoes, or those accessories.
Many women naturally possess this attitude, for others it's a journey, and for still others it's a structured choice. The result is a multifaceted female world.
What does motherhood represent to you? And what does it mean to be a mother? Which, in my opinion, are two very different concepts.
I'm one of those people who always dreamed of having a family (also because I grew up in a wonderful family), yet becoming a mother was and is a unique experience – which had little to do with all the things I imagined (starting with the fact that I imagined a dark-haired girl and I had a blonde boy).
Motherhood as a concept is somehow the sense of ownership of something, which can also be an idea, a project, a brand like Luce, the creation of a home, and so on... Becoming a mother is much more concrete, much more unexpected; it's a relationship that has little to do with "ownership."
I always say that having had a child completely different from everything I had imagined actually gave me the privilege of truly seeing him as a person in his own right, with his own identity, and not as the fulfillment of a desire I had built up over the years. This allowed me to relate to him and literally discover him little by little. Often I look at him and genuinely ask, "But who are you?" Because even after 9 months, I'm amazed that he's with us, lives in our house, has his own habits, and his own way of occupying space.
He is, to all intents and purposes, a person, and in this, I feel like a mother – in the relationship with this new person who is in no way "mine" but who I hope will always be in my life. In the responsibility I feel to nurture every aspect of this relationship, from now, when he depends entirely on his parents' care, until he no longer needs it, but I hope he will still want a relationship on another level. Is this perhaps convoluted? Please forgive me.
What has changed most in you since Giulio arrived?
I’m less clumsy. I've always been clumsy, but now I'm not only much less so, but I almost feel skilled at some things. Necessity is the mother of invention, right?
I’ve also become extremely—extremely—patient, which is not exactly part of my natural character.
But these are the superficial, albeit useful, things!
Furthermore, I’ve become very aware of the enormous and important mark and legacy that parents leave. I had a truly wonderful mother, and I see that in my efforts with Giulio, she remains my model in the background. Unfortunately, she’s no longer with us, and the void is great, also because she would have been an amazing grandmother!
In this respect too, I believe what has truly changed is a deep awareness of life. In a way that is almost "frightening," if you will. I have become less of a daughter and more of a mother, to everyone.
I don't consider myself an overprotective mother—it would require additional energy, and I feel like I already spend enough as it is—but I am certainly more conscious of the importance of the individual choices I make for Giulio until he can make them himself. I am very grateful for many things that seem obvious but aren't, starting with the health of everyone in our family. These may be extreme banalities to say, but they are also the pillars of everything—and when you bring a new life into the world, you rely on those pillars.
How has your perception of your body changed (if at all) after pregnancy?
Well… I was immensely lucky to quickly get back "into my own skin." So, even though my body is different, a bit "wider" (?), truly more maternal, I am still very aware that without any effort, I managed to see "myself" again. Honestly, I wouldn't cope well with the idea of being aesthetically marked by pregnancy – but at the same time, I'm too lazy to seriously pursue being like Belén. So, if my body hadn't done me the favor of returning to normal, I would have simply been "sad" (with all due caveats) and in some form of discomfort.
It might be wrong – rationally, I think differently – but it's my most sincere answer. Sometimes (as on this topic) I find myself caught between what I'd like to think ("your body is amazing and it gave you your child") and what I actually feel ("I want to go back to how I was"). It's a long journey, this one of body perception, but just becoming aware of it – as with many other things – is important. Perhaps my answer isn't super mature or aspirational, but it's an authentic answer, albeit still evolving.
What do you think of the stereotypes associated with being a mother?
The apparent need to be a "cool mom" really affects me (I wrote about it in an Instagram post). The stereotype associated with mothers is that of someone who "stops living," a bit of a hapless, out-of-touch person who bakes cakes and only talks about children. In contrast, especially on social media, there's a whole rhetoric that needs to combine being a parent with being "cool," almost as if to justify oneself: yes, I'm a mom, but I swear I'm still approachable.
I'm one of those who went out for an aperitif one day after leaving the hospital, I've traveled and will travel, I take Giulio everywhere, and sometimes I'm happy to leave him at home. BUT. But it's a team effort. I had a child who allowed me all this, and let's say I made good use of this good fortune. If Giulio had been a high-need/hysterical/problematic child, I would have stayed home for as long as necessary without having to prove anything to anyone. I'm happy that I managed a serene transition, but that doesn't make me any more than any other parent.
Of course, this question would open up a thousand other nuances and answers, but I'd say that as a first step, this is the layer that concerns me most and that I often discuss with my expectant friends – "you do you," there's no "cool" way to be a mom; you'll be one in the way you can and how your child will ask you to be. Everything else is virtual stuff that's fun but has little to do with real life.
How important was the support of other mothers/women to you after Giulio's birth?
Crucial! I have to say that, along with Giulio himself, "the other mothers" are the most beautiful thing I've found. It's incredible how many people I've reconnected with, seen in a new light, with whom I've bonded over pregnancy, and on whom I've leaned psychologically and practically. Having found all this, I'm very keen to return this welcome to people who seek it from me, whether it's purchase advice or sharing feelings.
I must say that my "mom" version manages to express and enhance many aspects of myself as a woman – primarily empathy and always being there. When I say always, I mean I respond 24/7 to anyone who needs me. So, I see that being able to empathize with new mothers or expectant people and always being very available is leading me into a beautiful virtuous cycle where I can truly build good relationships, where I feel "useful" just by being myself. These are rare moments in life when this happens, and I found it in becoming a mother, a job where my attitudes meet the "job description," and everything works!
What do you want to convey with your Instagram profile?
My profile used to be about trips around the world, one after another, my life in Hong Kong (definitely Instagrammable), and that normal dose of showing off that the platform encourages. Today, however, my use has changed a lot; it has become much more for me than for others, and for others, much more in the captions than in the photos.
Since I became a mother, my Instagram is a kind of public diary, where sometimes I write things I want to remember about that period, and that I want to leave out there for other people so that one can pause to reflect on something new or find themselves in shared thoughts.
Often people (whom I don't even know offline) write to me in private messages, and although I'm not used to having exchanges with strangers, the inevitable community that is being mothers is so powerful that I find even messaging in DMs very enriching.
Let's say that today I could define my Instagram as the title of my thesis: "The thoughts of the eye." My profile is my view of the world, the framework through which I look at things and on which, inevitably given my nature, I think.
So I believe I have a mix of the things that most represent me: aesthetics, reasoning, irony.
I like to take and publish beautiful photos, to return my filter on the world on a platform like Instagram – often aestheticizing, albeit not artificial.
Likewise, I have a deep need to reason and re-process everything – parenthood is not only no exception, but it is giving me infinite ramifications of thought (some of which I like to convey in the captions of my posts).
Lastly, though, I also like to laugh! About "misery loves company," about Giulio's personality comically developing, about life so changed.
One thing others don't know about you.
I asked Ste (my husband) for help on this because I think I have a very developed private dimension, so there would actually be many answers!
He suggested, "Say you're strange."
He added that I should confess I'm full of quirks and unique internal "games/rules" (and it's true, in fact).
A notable one is the "never again" (as he calls it): that is, if I don't do something for the first time for a while, then I can never do it again. The striking examples are countless, including one about a beautiful giant book of fashion portraits that I received as an 18th birthday gift and that for some reason I didn't flip through immediately because I wanted to have a moment to enjoy it properly, and then, not having done it immediately, "too much time" had passed, and so I never did it again. And now I want it to remain that way, as crazy as it may sound. So since I was 18, I've had this book that I've moved through a thousand times in all my homes, displayed prominently because it's stunning, but I've never opened it and never will!